Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
