fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
