If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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