:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
