yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
