a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would fuck him just for his dog
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
