Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
