Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize