im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
