...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
