It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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