i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
