Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
wow bdsm is so cute
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