she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
