I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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