every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
