dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
