unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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