Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
