1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
