Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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