Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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