My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
