Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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