I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he thought i was a dude.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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