Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize