so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
