I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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