Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
