we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
