im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
