the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
