There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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