So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
