Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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