yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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