Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
