Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
