I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
