you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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