i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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