are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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