I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Randomize
