I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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