I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
