I wannas sexs uuuuu
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
