He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
