Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
