New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
