what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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