So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
