i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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