she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
