i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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