Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
