Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
