WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
