i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
