i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we're making bets on your personal life
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
