The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
